A Shellfish Christmas

§ January 2nd, 2012 § Filed under Uncategorized § No Comments

(A special Christmas Message From Ludwig von Lobschta and Johann Sebastian Crab)

(As Ludwig approaches, he finds his little buddy Sebastian rummaging around in a gift bag. Ludwig enters singing, “Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la, la la, la la.)
Ludwig: Hello there, Sebastian.
Sebastian: (oblivious to Ludwig’s call)
Ludwig: I said, hello there, Sebastian!
Sebastian: (Just keeps rummaging)
Ludwig: (Shouting) Look! Up in the sky! It’s Santa Claus!
Sebastian: (Sebastian’s head suddenly pops up) Santa Claus? Where?
Ludwig: Nowhere, silly. I was just trying to get your attention. I called you twice, but you didn’t answer.
Sebastian: You mean, you didn’t really see Santa Claus?
Ludwig: No, silly. I was just trying to get your attention.
Sebastian: (Giving Ludwig a cold stare)
Ludwig: (Defensively) You were ignoring me. I had to do something.
Sebastian: (Still staring) Ludwig, there are certain things in life that you just don’t kid around about. And Santa Claus is one of them!
Ludwig: I know, Sebastian. I’m sorry.
Sebastian: (Diving back into the gift bag.)
Ludwig: Wait a minute, Sebastian! I’m trying to talk to you!
Sebastian: Look, Ludwig, you can talk all you want, but I’ve got to get busy. It’s almost Christmas, and I still don’t have a present for Jesus.
Ludwig: A present for Jesus?
Sebastian: Yes. It’s his birthday and I still don’t have a present for him. (Suddenly lighting up) I know! I’ll give him my Scuba Doo sunglasses!
Ludwig: You mean, your Scooby Doo sunglasses?
Sebastian: No. I mean, my Scuba Doo sunglasses. I’m a sea creature, Ludwig. Remember?
Ludwig: OF course, Sebastian. How could I forget?
Sebastian: (On second thought, that’s’ not good enough. I need something really good for Jesus. (Suddenly lighting up again) I’ve got it! I’ll give him my Samurai Sushi action figure!
Ludwig: Your Samurai Sushi action figure?
Sebastian: No, wait! That’s not good enough either. I need some thing really, really good for Jesus, something he will really like.
Ludwig: How about your brand new X-Box Connect?
Sebastian: (Caught off-guard) My what?
Ludwig: You’re brand new X-Box Connect-.
Sebastian: But, Ludwig, I don’t have one. What are you talking about?
Ludwig: I’m talking about the one you asked for for Christmas.
Sebastian: You mean, I’m going to get one? Really? The new X-Box Connect?
Are you sure, Ludwig? (Grabbing Ludwig) Are you? Are you?
Ludwig: Ouch! Take it easy, Sebastian. You’re pinching me.
Sebastian: Oh, sorry, Ludwig. But, am I really going to get one?
Ludwig: Yes, yes.
Sebastian: But, how do you know?
Ludwig: Well, let’s just say a little elf told me. You know, the kind with the big pointed ears.
Sebastian: (Slapping his claws together) Oh boy! A new X-Box Connect! OH, Ludwig. Thank you. Thank you. I can’t wait!
Ludwig: So, when you get it, why don’t you give it to Jesus/
Sebastian: MY new X-Box Connect?
Ludwig: Yes, that would be a really good gift, wouldn’t it?
Sebastian: Yes, but, but, but, my new X-Box Connect? Oh, Ludwig!
Ludwig: Cheer up, Sebastian. I was only kidding. You don’t have to give Jesus your new X-Box Connect.
Sebastian: I don’t?
Ludwig: No, that’s not what Jesus wants from you this Christmas. He doesn’t want any of your toys.
Sebastian: He doesn’t?
Ludwig: OF course not, silly.
Sebastian: Well then, what does he want from me?
Ludwig: He wants your heart, Sebastian. Jesus wants your heart.
Sebastian: My heart?
Ludwig: Yes. Jesus wants you to give him your heart. And I happen to know that you, my friend, have a big one. So, why don’t you give Jesus your great big heart for Christmas.
Sebastian: (Pondering) My great big heart? (Lighting up again) Yes! That’s a great idea. Thanks, Ludwig. I’ll be right back. (Sebastian dives back into his toy box and pops up with a great big red plastic heart.) Here it is, Ludwig. I got it last Valentine’s Day. It’s a real beauty. Do you think he will like it?
Ludwig: Oh, Sebastian. When will you ever learn?
THE END

What’s In A Name?

§ January 2nd, 2012 § Filed under Uncategorized § No Comments

Who named you?
Where did your name come from?
Is there a story behind your name?

The names we bear have meaning,
And I think we do well to pause now and then to ponder them.
And, if we are attentive to our reading this morning,
Then we see that there is one more name that we all bear,
And I think we would also do well to take a few moments right now
to ponder what it means that each of us bears God’s name too.

“The Lord spoke to Moses, saying: Speak to Aaron and his sons, saying,
Thus you shall bless the Israelites: You shall say to them,
“The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you;
the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.”
So they shall put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them.”

Do we have any grade school teachers here this morning?
Actually, you don’t have to be a schoolteacher to answer this next question
I mean, we have all been to school, right?
So, here’s the question.
When it comes to turning in paperwork of any kind,
what’s one of the first lessons that every good student learns?
Answer: Put your name on your paper.
And why is this so important?
Without a name, you might not know who the paper belongs to.

So, how did you do?
Were you one of those students who always remembered to put your name on your paper?

Grade school that was a long time ago.
Since then, I suspect we have all had the opportunity to put our names on many papers.
I know, I have.
I’ve had to sign my name on the dotted line many times.
And when I did, it meant something, usually something important;
A college or job application, a driver’s or marriage license, a lease or service contract,
a bill of sale or tax return, a credit card slip.
You name it. When I put my name on the dotted line, it meant something.
I was putting a lot more than just my name on a line.
IN many cases, I was making a legally binding commitment, a promise that couldn’t easily be undone.

That’s how our legal system works, right?
Our word is our name and our name is our word,
So, our name is more than just our word, it’s really us, isn’t it?
When we sign on the dotted line, it’s as if we are putting ourselves;
who we are, and all that we have, on the dotted line too.

Given the exceedingly litigious society we live in,
I’m sure we all understand this quite well.
The name we bear carries certain among of weight with it.
And, depending on the situation and/or the name of the one who is putting his or her name on the dotted line,
That weight can be considerable.
One doctor told me,
When I put my name on a chart, I’m taking responsibility for the information contained therein.
I understand that I might have to defend it some day.

In our reading from Numbers, God declares, so shall they put my name on the Israelites.
So, why does God put his name on his people?
What is God trying to tell them?
What does God want them, and the whole world, to know?
And what about us?
What is God trying to tell us?
For we now bear Gods’ name too.

God put his name on us right here in the waters of our holy baptism.
It was here that God signed his name on our dotted line.
It was here that we became God’s children, chosen to bear God’s name forever.

So, what does God want us to know about the name we now bear?
Does putting his holy name on the dotted line mean the same thing to God
that it means to us when we do it?
When God does it, is God putting himself; who he is, and all that he has, on the line too.
Is God taking full responsibility for us, for all we say and do,
Understanding that there may come a day, when he himself may be called on to defend us?

Let’s look at this from a slightly different perspective.
Some companies spend millions, or even billions of dollars to develop a brand name,
Because they want the public, you and I, to know what that name stands for.
They want us to associate that name with things like, quality, reliability and integrity.
They understand that when they put their name on a product or service,
they are putting themselves and their future on the line too.
They are making a bold statement.
They want us to know that they believe in their work and are willing to stand behind it.
They want us to know that we can trust that they will deliver as advertised.

And isn’t that why God has put his name on us too?
God wants us to know that he will indeed deliver us as advertised.

OF course, everyone has brands they prefer.
And sometimes, people change their brands.
Maybe they just get tired of it, or maybe something happens
That causes them to question the reliability of their brand.

This can also happen with the holy brand we bear.
WE can become much less enthused about our brand, Or,
things can happen that might cause us to question its reliability.
Is GOD really with us?
IS everything God has told us really true?
Will God live up to his word?

Questions like these point to the importance of taking the time now and then
To return to the name we bear,
to lift it up and re-examine it in light of what it means
and what it proclaims about our future and the one who stands behind it,
and ultimately, what it says about us.

It not only says something about him. It says something about us, or ought to.
Quality? Reliability? Integrity?
WE carry the brand that stands for truth.
We carry the brand that stands for justice.
WE carry the brand that stands for God’s love.

This is a day to ponder this, and all it means for us as a faith community,
and for each of us personally as we stand on the threshold of this brand new year.

A reading from Philippians.
Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus,
who, though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited,
but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave,
being born in human likeness. and being found in human form, he humbled himself
and became obedient to the point of death— even death on a cross.
Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name
that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus
every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

Knowing that we bear God’s name, and all the weight and promise that it carries with it
is both a great comfort to us and a great challenge,
But, whichever it may be, one thing we can be sure of,
It will never fail us,
and the one who put it on us will be with us every step of the way in this new year and always.
Amen.

Also, introduce the idea of giving the new year a name?
The new year is often portrayed as a new baby, the new year’s baby, so why not name it?
Name it, Emmanuel, God is with us.
And share my sincere hope and prayer that everyone would come to experience more fully
this presence, this power, this reality, this truth,
in this new year.
Amen.

Extraordinary News!

§ December 26th, 2011 § Filed under Uncategorized § No Comments

TEXT: Luke 1:26-38
In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth,
to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David.
The virgin’s name was Mary.
And he came to her and said, ‘Greetings, favoured one! The Lord is with you.’
But she was much perplexed by his words and pondered what sort of greeting this might be.
The angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favour with God.
And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus.
He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High,
and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David.
He will reign over the house of Jacob for ever,
and of his kingdom there will be no end.’
Mary said to the angel, ‘How can this be, since I am a virgin?’
The angel said to her, ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you,
and the power of the Most High will overshadow you;
therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called Son of God.
And now, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son;
and this is the sixth month for her who was said to be barren.
For nothing will be impossible with God.’
Then Mary said, Here am I, the servant of the Lord;
let it be with me according to your word.
Then the angel departed from her.

I’m going to identify a person, place or thing that appears in our reading today,
and I want you to identify it as either ordinary or extraordinary.
Are you ready?

A town in Galilee called Nazareth, ordinary.
An angel sent from God, extraordinary.
A young peasant girl named Mary. Ordinary.
The angel’s announcement that she, of all women, is God’s favored one Extraordinary.
A virgin engaged to be married. ordinary.
A virgin conceiving. extraordinary.
Bearing a child, a son., Ordinary.
A son who will be great, and will be called, Son of The Most High God. Extraordinary.
The virgin’s question to the angel, “How can this be?” ordinary.
The angel’s response, extraordinary.
And finally, Mary’s response to all that the angel told her. Extraordinary.
(Applaud the congregation)

Our Gospel Reading for this fourth Sunday in Advent invites ordinary people like us
to consider and even believe some extraordinary things.
Is it even possible?
Can ordinary people like us truly comprehend the extraordinary?
And if we can, can it rightly be called extraordinary?
Maybe not.
Maybe that which is truly extraordinary can only be comprehended fully
by that which is itself, truly extraordinary.
OR maybe, like Mary, with the help of God’s Holy Spirit, ordinary people like us can.
“For, as it is written, nothing will be impossible with God.”

Luke goes to great lengths to make sure that we understand
That God works with ordinary people from ordinary places
To accomplish God’s extraordinary purposes,
People like Mary and her relative Elizabeth, Joseph, John the Baptizer, Peter,
and all the Disciples.
But, they all have one thing in common, and that’s, Jesus
Jesus is the common thread that weaves himself through all their stories.
They all had a relationship with Jesus Christ,
which at the time, was no ordinary thing,
as we heard last week in these words from the beginning of Johns’ Gospel.

John writes,
“He was in the world, and the world came into being through him, yet the world did not know him.
He came to what was his own and his own people did not accept him.
But to those who received him, who believed in his name,
he gave power to become children of God, who were born not of blood, or of the will of the flesh, or of the will of man, but of God.”

They had A relationship with Jesus. Extraordinary,
At least, it was then.
In fact, ultimately, it got most of them martyred.
It was unique.
It’s what separated them from all the other ordinary people around them.
That, and one more thing, faith.
They had faith to believe things that ordinary people ought not to have believed;
Things that ordinary common sense would have told them not to believe.

They all had Jesus and they all had faith.
That was the unique combination that allowed God to do extraordinary things with them,
That allowed God’s will to be done in them and through them.

Whew! Am I glad God is over that!
Am I glad God doesn’t work that way any more.
Oh, wait, God still does.
God is still doing extraordinary things for ordinary people.
Ordinary people like us.
And that too is extraordinary.

And if you think today’s birth story is extraordinary,
Jus wait until Easter gets here.
Because, God has another extraordinary story waiting for us,
another extraordinary birth story, you might say.

As our reading from Second Samuel reminds us,
Through Christ, The Lord God has made a house for us, a heavenly house,
And when that time comes for us, he will come and take us to himself, just as he has promised..
But, some people have a hard time believing that story too.
Some people have a hard time believing that there really is a heaven
and a resurrection to eternal life,
Just as they have a hard time believing that there really was a virgin birth.
People like Zechariah.

Who Is Zechariah?
Zechariah is that devout religious man that we meet in the verses
Leading up to the annunciation text before us.
Zechariah was a man who was married to a childless woman named Elizabeth.
Zechariah was a man who also received a visit from the angel Gabriel
And a special message from God about a special birth.
(Paraphrasing)
“Zechariah, I know you and your wife Elizabeth are childless, and, how should I say this delicately,
getting on in years,
and I know everyone thinks she’s incapable of having a child.
But, guess what? She will conceive and bear a son, and when she does,
you are to name him John,
not Zechariah, as is the custom of your people, but, John.
You are to name him, John.”

Zechariah was an ordinary man, who received some extraordinary news too,
Just like Mary, only, Zechariah scoffed at the thought of it,
Scoffed at the thought that God could and would do such a thing for him and his wife.
And with that, he was struck mute, mute, absolutely speechless.
He was unable to utter an intelligible sound, until the baby, his son, the promised child,
was born to his wife who everyone else had believed was barren.
And with that, his tongue was suddenly loosed.
And do you know what the first words that came out of his mouth were?
“His name is John.”

Evidently, the whole thing was something of a spiritual awakening for Zechariah.
And won’t it also be for all those scoffers out there;
All those ordinary scoffers out there who say that there is no heaven
and no resurrection to eternal life.
And won’t they also be struck dumb when they see,
like Zechariah, like Mary, like Peter and the disciples, like us,
that it’s all true!
The only difference is, that when all the scoffers are finally able to speak,
the first words out of their mouth wont’ be, His name is John.
But instead, his name is Jesus,
Or like Thomas, “my lord and my God!”
For nothing, absolutely nothing, will be impossible with God. Extraordinary!

Just as we are living now in the hope and expectation of the virgin birth
we are also living in the hope and expectation that,
just as Jesus died and was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father,
we too will live a new life.
For if we have been united with him in a death like his,
We will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.

You and I together now. Ordinary.
You and I together now and forever. Extraordinary.
Amen.

Christmas Message

§ December 26th, 2011 § Filed under Uncategorized § No Comments

Text: Luke 2:1-20
In those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all the world should be registered.
This was the first registration and was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria.
All went to their own towns to be registered.
Joseph also went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea,
To the city of David called Bethlehem,
because he was descended from the house and family of David.
He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged and who was expecting a child.
While they were there, the time came for her to deliver her child.
And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in bands of cloth,
and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night.
Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them,
and they were terrified.
But the angel said to them,
‘Do not be afraid; for see—I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people:
to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord.
This will be a sign for you:
you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger.’
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying,
‘Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace among those whom he favors!’[

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another,
‘Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place,
which the Lord has made known to us.’
So they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the child lying in the manger.
When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child;
and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them.
But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.
The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen,
as it had been told them.]

Manuscript: Picture This
Picture this.
An unstable economy,
high unemployment and underemployment,
political and social unrest at home and abroad,
families in crisis,
aging and deteriorating health.
What will become of us?

I want to share a word of encouragement with you tonight,
Because, in view of the pictures I have just shared with you,
And the many more there are like them,
I think we could all use one right now,

And to do that, I’m going to trust that the old saying is still true,
One picture is worth a thousand words.
OF course, I’m now finding out that the opposite might also be true.
One word might also be worth a thousand pictures,
especially if that word is Facebook.
Are you with me?

There are literally millions, if not billions of pictures posted on Facebook,
And millions more that soon will be,
Especially after these holidays.
In fact, if you have a certain kind of technology on your person,
And know how to use it,
You can take a picture and post it on FB right now.
And hopefully, some of you will.
Hopefully, some of you won’t miss the opportunity to capture some of the beauty of this sanctuary on this festive night and share it with your Friends,
But not during the worship service. Smile.

Grace and peace to you from God, our Father, Son and Holy Spirit
who is with us now and forever. Amen.

IF you’re like most people, your pictures hold a lot of happy memories for you.
TO borrow the title from an old Rod Stewart album, Every picture tells a story.
Each one has the power to transport you back in time,
Back to the time and place it was taken.
And with that transport comes a flood of memories,
of stories that tell themselves again, each time you browse them.
It’s in this spirit, that I would like to share a few pictures with you tonight.
pictures that also hold memories and a story
that’s worth our telling and re-telling.
And since the technology you have now was not available then,
To view them, you are going to have to use some of that good, old fashioned technology called,
your imagination.
And in so doing, hopefully, we will find in them an encouraging word
that we can hold on to now and always.

Okay. Picture this.
Picture the world long ago on a cold, dark December night,
Just like this one;
Only this world has the strong menacing bands of sin and death wrapped around it.
It looks like they are trying to choke the life out of it.
It looks like this world is in deep trouble.
Many political, economic and religious commentators
say this is what our world looks like right now.
This is not a picture I would like on Facebook.

Now, picture this:
A man walking down a road holding a donkey with a young girl seated on it.
She looks pregnant, very pregnant.
IN fact, she looks like she’s holding on for dear life.
The man’s name is Joseph and the young girl’s name is Mary.

Picture a stable holding an ox and an ass.
It looks like they are completely unaware of what’s coming down the road.
And of course, they would be.

And, picture a pile of rags, bands of cloth really
that the young mother will use to swaddle her newborn baby against the cold, cruel world
That he is about to be born into.
This is another one I’m not sure I would “like,” because, to tell you the truth,
they rather remind me of grave-clothes.

Now, picture that same young girl, the one you saw on the donkey,
holding her newborn baby in her arms.
She looks happy.
She’s gazing down at him with a mother’s love,
And it looks like he’s smiling up at her.
Just behind them, you can see the manger,
The manger that will soon get its chance to hold him too.

Manger, now there’s an interesting word, all things considered.
We all know that it was nothing more than a hole in the wall that held food for the cattle,
But did you know that the word manger actually comes from the French word mange,
which literally means, to eat.
Remember that the next time you hear Jesus say, I am the bread of life. Mange.
Remember that the next time you hear your pastor say, “The body of Christ given for you.” Mange
Remember that the next ime you feel like God has abandoned you or this world. Mange.

These pictures tell one encouraging story,
The story of Jesus our savior, our Emmanuel, come to be with us.
But in order for us to hear this as a truly encouraging word,
there are a couple of more stories that we need to hear tonight.
and I have pictures that tell those stories too.

Picture this-
A young man kneeling down in a beautiful garden.
He’s praying, but clearly, he’s not at peace.
He appears to be disturbed about something, greatly disturbed.
his eyes are wet and full of sorrow and there are bright red drops falling from his face.

Picture the same man being dragged away by a hoard of angry men carrying swords and clubs
And another small band of men standing in the background with their mouths hanging wide open.
What has he done? Where are they taking him?

Now, picture an old wooden cross.
It looks rough and stained red.
There is a woman kneeling beside it.
She’s weeping.
If you look closely, you will notice that she bears a resemblance to the young girl we saw earlier,
Only this woman is older, much older
She too looks like she is holding on for dear life.

Jesus died to take away our sins.
That’s another encouraging story to tell.
but to make this encouraging word complete, we can’t stop here.
Because, there is still one more encouraging story to tell;
The one that far too many people lose hold of when they need it most.
And yes, I have pictures.
Or at least, a picture, just one.
But that’s all I need. That’s all any of us needs
to help us tell the last and most encouraging story of all
whenever we feel death’s strong bands beginning to tighten their grip on us.
And I definitely “like” this one,
And all my friends do too.

Picture this, the tomb where they laid Jesus’ body.
It’s a nice tomb, a nice new tomb, in fact.
But, it’s empty.
They took his body down off the cross and laid it in here. We know that.
But now, it’s gone.
There is no sign of it,
No sign, except what looks like another pile of rags,
the grave clothes they wrapped him in.

The tomb where they laid his body is empty, because he is risen.
The tomb where they laid his body is empty, because death’s strong bands
Weren’t strong enough to hold him,
And thanks be to God,
they aren’t strong enough to hold us either.

The tomb they put God in couldn’t hold him
And neither can the boxes that some political, economic and yes, even religious commentators
try to bury God in today.

An unstable economy,
high unemployment and underemployment,
political and social unrest at home and abroad,
families in crisis,
aging and deteriorating health.
What will become of us?

Let me tell you something.
Let these stories tonight tell you something, God is with us!
That’s the story of this night.
We who need it don’t always know how, or from where our help will come,
Especially when things seem to be at their worst.
But we can and do know that God is with us.
And we also know that the way of our salvation
Isn’t limited just to what mortals like us can imagine.\
His virgin birth testifies to that.
Just when it looks like the curtain has fallen between God and us,
God comes down and tears it open.
His death on the cross testifies to that.
And, just when it looks like life in this fallen world has finally beaten us down.
God raises us up again.
THE glory of the resurrection testifies to that.

God is with us.
Whether we are looking around the world or at our own lives,
The encouraging word on this most silent and holy night is just that,
God is with us in every way.
God doesn’t just know we are here. God is here with us.
God doesn’t jus know how we feel. God is feeling it with us.
God doesn’t just know how overwhelming it can all be for us,
God is with us in our struggles lifting us up..

This is the good news that filled the sky with a multitude of the heavenly host
and sent the shepherds away glorifying and praising God.
This is the encouraging word we proclaim on this night.
God is in it with us in every way and always will be.
This is the promise that God has fashioned into a cradle to hold us tonight and every night.
So, do not be afraid. For see, I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people.
To you is born this day in the city of David, a savior, who is the messiah, the Lord!
Mange!

Stone Soup

§ November 19th, 2011 § Filed under Uncategorized § No Comments

Once upon a time, in a far away land,
There was a great recession that had everyone extremely anxious about the future.
Times were tough and food was scarce.
So scarce, that all the people of the land hid whatever food they had,
even from their friends and neighbors.

Then one day, a stranger came to town,
A soldier returning from serving in Afghanistan.
He had nothing but an old dented pot, a long wooden spoon and three smooth stones.

The soldier was tired, very tired, his journey had been a long one,
And he was hungry, very hungry.
In fact, he hadn’t had anything to eat for two days,
Or was it three, he couldn’t recall.

The soldier came to the first house and knocked on the door.
An older woman answered.
“Good evening, ma’am,” he said. ”
Could you spare a bit of food for a hungry soldier?
I’ve just returned from Afghanistan, and, well, you know,
I haven’t been able to find a job yet.
“I’m sorry, the older woman said, I barely have enough food for myself.
Please go away,” And she shut the door.

“No worries,” the soldier said to himself, and he went to the next house and knocked on that door.
A younger man answered, and the soldier heard a baby crying inside the house.
“Excuse me, sir, but could you spare a bit of food for a hungry soldier.
I just returned from Afghanistan, and, well, you know,
I haven’t been able to find a job yet.
“Oh, no,” the younger man said. We have a new baby in the house
And two other children to feed. WE can’t spare a thing. I’m sorry.”

The soldier thanked the man and went on to the next house, but at every house,
the response was the same, no one had any food they could spare,
and they all had very good reasons why they could not.

By now, the hungry soldier had reached the town square.
He stopped.
Then, with all the townspeople watching from behind their windows,
he set the old, dented pot on the ground and said in a very loud voice,
so that everyone could hear,
“Well then, he said, since there appears to be a shortage of food in this town,
I guess I’ll just have to make some stone soup!”

THE townspeople stared as the soldier reached into his pockets
and removed three smooth stones and placed them in the pot.
Then, he took up the long, wooden spoon and began to stir.

Their curiosity now aroused, one by one, the townspeople began to emerge from their homes
to get a closer look at what was taking place.
“Stone soup?” they whispered, I’ve never heard of such a thing. Have you?”
No one had.

THE townspeople looked on as the soldier gently stirred the pot.
When the hungry soldier saw the size of the crowd that had gathered, he said,
“If I’m going to give everyone here a taste of my stone soup,
I’m going to have to add some water. Can one of you fetch me a bucket?”
“I can,” a young girl said, and she ran off to get it.
“And some firewood, the soldier said, stone soup tastes much better
when it’s good and hot. Does anyone here have any firewood they can spare?”
“I do,” a man said, and he ran off to get it.

Ten minutes later, the fire was blazing and the water was beginning to bubble.
Seeing this, a woman in the crowd stepped forward and asked,
“Excuse me, Sir, when will the stone soup be done?
“It’s hard to say, the soldier replied, It’s sort of up to the stones,
And sometimes, it can take a good long while.
But you know, if we were to add some carrots and onions and cabbage and tomatoes,
it would probably get done sooner. But given the shortage of food in this town,
I’m afraid there isn’t much chance of that.”

But when they heard this, the townspeople ran off to their homes
to see what they could find to add to the stone soup, so that it would get done sooner.

(At this point, I invite the congregation to search for vegetables to add to the stone soup.
On Saturday, they will be under their chairs.
On Sunday, the members of the stewardship task force will have them.
On Saturday, I’ll ask for the vegetables and have them brought forward.
On Sunday, I’ll have the children go and bring them back.

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, the pot was filled with fresh vegetables.
And, in just a few short minutes, the pot was beginning to bubble again,
And the soldier kept stirring.
A few more minutes passed and then, the soldier looked up at the hungry crowd and said,
“You know a bit of meat and a few potatoes would make our stone soup
fit for a rich man’s table. It’s a pity we will have to do without.”
“No we won’t, said the butcher; I’ve got some good beef back at the shop.”
“And I’ve got some potatoes, said the farmer, I’ll be right back.”
The soldier went on, “And if only we had a bit of barley and some milk,
this soup would be fit for a king!”
And before you know it, they had those too.

At last, the soldier announced, “The stone soup is done, and there is plenty for everyone!
but first we need to set up some tables.”

Soon, tables and torches were set up in the square, and after a prayer was said,
all the townspeople sat down to eat.
Then, the mayor of that town stood up and declared
That such a great soup would be even better with bread and cider,
and the last two items were brought forth,
and a great feast was enjoyed by all.
Never in the history of the town had there been such a feast as this.
Never had the townspeople tasted such delicious soup,
and all made from three smooth stones!
All the townspeople ate and drank and danced well into the night.

In the morning, the townspeople gathered in the square to say goodbye to the soldier.
“Many thanks to you, the people said, For no one here will ever go hungry again,
now that you have taught us how to make stone soup.

The moral of the story is,
When everyone gives what they can, a much greater good is served.
THE END

Royal Meltdown

§ October 9th, 2011 § Filed under Uncategorized § No Comments

Could come out singing, “Going to The Chapel.”

Grace and peace to you in the holy and triune name of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Hear ye! Hear ye!
There’s going to be a wedding and the whole world is invited!

On Sept. 29, my daughter Katie and boyfriend Max announced their engagement.
They are to be married next summer!
Rejoice with me; I’m going to be a father-in-law!

Now, there is a wedding to be planned-
a date, time, location,
invitations, attendants, dresses, rings, a reception hall-
The only thing they don’t need is a pastor, because they already have one!

There are dozens of decisions to be made and details to be worked out and time is in short supply. However, I am absolutely certain, that when the big day arrives, everything will be ready.
Can you picture it?

Beautiful bridesmaids, handsome groomsmen,Flowers,
A hall full of tastefully decorated tables,
Fine food, fine china, crystal wine glasses, champagne and of course, a cake.
Maybe even an ice cream cake, like this one. (Point to cake)
Or better yet, a spectacular ice sculpture!
Exquisite!

But, what if,
what if after everything is ready; after the church and wedding hall have been decorated,
the gourmet entree prepared to perfection, the cake delivered and the champagne chilled,
none of the guests bother to show up.
What then?
(Looking at the ice cream cake)
What’s going to happen to the cake?

Can you imagine?
What would you do?
Or more to the point, how would you feel?
I mean, snubbing me is one thing.
But snubbing my daughter, my Katie, on the most important day of her life?
I don’t know about you, but I’d be melting down, just like this cake.

We’d be furious, wouldn’t we?
And we’re not royalty.
Can you imagine the fury that would have erupted if anything like that
would have happened at William and Kate’s wedding last April?
What if after everything, including all the publicity and all the hype,
none of their guests bothered to show up?
Now, that would be a meltdown for the ages, wouldn’t it?

Well, as enormously scandalous as that would be,
One might possibly begin to understand it
if there was a good reason why the guests didn’t show up.
Say, if the city was in the throes of a major epidemic or some such thing.
But, what if they didn’t?
What if those who had been invited had no good reason for not attending.
What if they gave reasons like,
“Oh, I had some work to do in the garden.”
Or, “I had some paperwork at the office I needed to finish up.”
Or, “My kids had a soccer game.”
Or, “It was the only day I had to sleep in.”
Or, “I had tickets to a matinee.”
Or, “I must have forgotten to put it on my calendar.”

OF course, in the case of the weddding banquet for the king’s son
there could be more to it than that, a lot more.
Maybe their decision not to attend was their way of letting the king know
how they really felt about him and his son
and their right to reign and rule over them.
Maybe their absence was an outright act of rebellion.

Now, what about our King’s wedding banquet?
What about the wedding banquet for the Son that we and all of God’s people
are invited to attend every week,
the wedding banquet we call, Sunday worship?
How many of God’s people are responding to this invitation?
The answer is, 40 percent or less.
On the average, 40 percent or less of a mainline congregations’ baptized membership is in worship on any given Sunday.
40 percent or less.
I wonder how the King feels about that.

Maybe more Christians today need to ask themselves why their ancestors always insisted on wearing their Sunday best to church?
Some of you here remember those days, don’t you?

Well, maybe it was more than just a fashion statement.
Maybe there was something in that choice that Christians today might do well to recognize;
Something like allegiance and loyalty,
Or honor and respect,
Or better yet, a deep and abiding appreciation
for all that the King had done for them through the life, death and resurrection of the Son.

Maybe the failure of some Christians today to recognize what they recognized
is an insult to our king.
And while it may not cause our king to bind them hand and foot and throw them into the outré darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth,
We might well understand why it might make him angry enough to do so.

Maybe some Christians today take the King’s abundant grace and generosity
too lightly too,
And maybe that cheapens it.
Maybe they forget that it came at a great price,
not only to the Son, but to them.
And maybe for them and us, that great price is greater accountability
for attending to the great gift we’ve been given.
Maybe the King expects more from his chosen ones.
Maybe he expects them to know better than to take his gracious invitation
for granted or Make light of it.
Maybe that’s what infuriates our King?

Maybe this is a Sunday to take another look at our invitation
to the King’s wedding banquet;
To open wide our eyes and try to see in it
what the king wants us to see in it;
to see and be overwhelmed once again by the wideness of God’s mercy
and the abundance of God’s grace and generosity;
and the incredibly good news that we, of all people,
have been chosen to be a part of it.

Some people may think they have more important things to do
on a Sunday morning?
But, maybe there is nothing more important than accepting the king’s invitation
to the wedding banquet of his son,
and coming to celebrate it with him clad in the proper attire
of the heart and mind?

And then there’s the guest who showed up without a wedding robe.
What are we to say about him?
Here’s what one biblical scholar had to say.
“The man who accepts the invitation but, by wearing his everyday, soiled clothes,
shows only contempt for the purpose of the occasion,
is no more worthy than those who rejected the invitation.
They spurned the invitation to the feast;
he disdains the feast while actually attending it.
In effect, he has not really accepted the invitation,
since the invitation is not just to be physically present at the feast
but also to participate in the king’s rejoicing over the marriage of his son.
The point is not that the man without the wedding garment turns out to be
one of the bad who were invited along with the good.
Both good and bad are genuinely invited;
neither being good nor being bad is a qualification for being a guest.
All that is required is the willingness to honor the occasion,
to rejoice with the king, to be a real guest at the wedding,
which wearing a wedding robe expresses. “ [pp. 487-8]

SO, maybe showing up on Sunday is better than not showing up.
But maybe there is even more to accepting the King’s invitation
than jus showing up on Sunday.
Maybe it’s not enough to think of our King’s wedding feast
as a Sunday only endeavor?
Maybe we need to enter more fully into the festivities
which includes living the kingdom life all week long,
and not just for an hour or two on Sunday.
Maybe we not only need to put on a wedding robe for the feast,
Maybe we need to keep it on all week long.

In our parable today, “Matthew affirms the boundless generosity
and inclusive reach of God’s grace,
But he also affirms that for us to be worthy of God’s gift
requires nothing less than our whole life.

But maybe none of us can be worthy in this sense,
.”Honestly and earnestly devoting our whole life to the king and his son.
But maybe what we can do is recognize and truly appreciate
what we have in Christ and give him the place in our life that he is worthy of.
And maybe that’s what makes us worthy in the king’s eyes?
(Call everyone’s attention back to the ice cream cake.
And maybe we should do it before the cake has a complete meltdown.
Amen.

Big Juicy Grapes

§ October 9th, 2011 § Filed under Uncategorized § No Comments

Come out for the welcome with a bunch of grapes.
This is the image I want you to take home with you today;
a bunch of grapes, big, juicy grapes,
bunches and bunches of big, juicy grapes.
Point out the big bunch of grapes coming out of the baptismal font.
Encourage them to watch for the two big brimming bowls that the ushers will be bringing forward during the offering.
Why would they do that?
What could be the point of remembering all these grapes?

Come out for the sermon carrying another bunch of grapes.
Begin by inviting the ushers to hand out some small bunches of grapes to nibble on.
Start eating a few.

Grapes, big, juicy grapes, that’s what I have on my mind today.
And of course, the Lord’s little love song.
Pick up the guitar and sing.
My beloved had a vineyard
on a very fertile hill.
He dug it and cleared it of stones.
He planted it with choice vines;
In its midst, he built a tower,
And dug a wine press there too.
he expected from it grapes,
but instead wild grapes came forth,
looked for justice, but heard a cry.

It’s a sad, little love song, isn’t it?
Oh how the landowner loved that vineyard.
Oh the love and care he gave it.
What more could he have done for it that he hadn’t already done?
What a sad day that must have been for the owner of the vineyard.

But, that was then, and this is now.
Now, it’s our turn.
Now, we are the tenants.
Now, we are the pleasant planting of the Lord.
So now, the question is,
What kind of grapes will we produce?
Bunches of Big, juicy ones
or little wild ones?
What kind of love song will our landowner sing when he comes to collect his produce from all of us?

Like I said, Big, juicy grapes.
Not little, sour ones, but big, juicy ones just like these:
(Invite the congregation to eat a grape to reinforce the sweetness of each of the below.)

Free, hot, nutritious meals for folks who depend on them.
Tastes good.
A sustainable income for third world farmers and their families
Tastes even better, like chocolate.
Funds to fight hunger at home and abroad.
Very fulfilling
Meeting space for 12 Step support groups
Always juicy. Not just dry.
Transitional housing for families in homeless situations
Sweet.
Brown bag lunches for people living on the streets
A warm feeling in my tummy.
Services of union and blessing for persons living in committed relationships
Satisfying and refreshing.
And all these handmade quilts.
A warm, fuzzy feeling all over.

What a lovely bunch of big, juicy grapes,
just what the owner of the vineyard would expect from such a pleasant planting
on such a fertile hill as he has prepared for us.
What more is there to say?
Thanks be to God.

Boy, these grapes sure are good.
Repeat the Lord’s love song.
Amen.

Follow Through

§ October 9th, 2011 § Filed under Uncategorized § No Comments

Come out holding a tennis racket and a tennis ball.
Tennis anyone?
Hey, St. John’s! Do you play?

You know, it’s a funny thing.
Since I’ve been your pastor, I’ve heard a lot of talk around here
about baseball, football, basketball, hockey, golf, soccer, lacrosse, swimming, water polo
And Dancing With The Stars,
Wait, is that a sport?
But I haven’t heard much talk about tennis,
With the exception of my visits with Gordon Corey.
He enjoyed playing tennis well up into his eighties,
And he would still be playing now, if he could.
Next month, Mr. Corey will celebrate his ninety-seventh birthday.
So, evidently, playing tennis must be one good way to work out.

I’m not a tennis aficionado by any stretch of the imagination,
But I do know a couple of important things about how the game ought to be played.
For example, I know how important it is to follow-through.
Yes, as is true in any sport, for best results, you have to follow-through.

In the latter half of today’s Gospel reading,
Jesus tells a short parable to make a point.
And for once, the point of the parable seems pretty straightforward.
It’s not just what we say we believe that counts,
But also, what we then do about it.
It’s one thing to agree to do the will of the Father,
But another to actually go and do it.
And if the interpretation of the parable is as straightforward as it seems,
Then, going out and doing the will of the Father is preferred over just giving it lip service.

Now, lets’ be clear about one thing, one very important thing.
Jesus isn’t using this parable to say that those who do the will of the Father
Are going into the kingdom OF God And those who don’t aren’t.
What Jesus actually tells the Chief Priests and elders of the people is that
those who do the will of the Father are going into the kingdom of God
ahead of those who hear it but never get around to doing it.
No one is losing their sonship here.
When all is said and done, both of the father’s sons are still his sons,
It’s just that one of them, the one that goes and does his father’s will,
is going to start reaping the rewards of life in the kingdom
before the other one does.
Or, in keeping with the language of the parable,
If we understand the vineyard as the place where the good fruits of the kingdom are found,
Then the sooner one goes out to work there,
the sooner one will begin to enjoy them.

But again, this has nothing to do with the state of one’s salvation.
Our place in the Father’s house is ours by faith alone apart from works prescribed by the law.
Our salvation is a gift from God made effective through faith in Jesus Christ.
That’s all we need to have to know that our salvation is secure.
What the parable seems to be pointing at is what comes after that;
What we are going to do with it now that we know we have it.
Are we just going to throw up our hands and say, Thank you, Jesus!
And then go right back to doing our own will,
Or is it going to create in us a new willingness, a new hunger,to do the will of God.
Are we going to stop at the good news of our salvation,
or are we going to follow-through with the way of life that goes with it?
That’s the question before us today.

We’ve all heard the word of the Lord.
WE all know what the Father wants us to go and do;
how God wants us to live and to love.
Now, Are we going to go and do it?
Are we going to follow-through?

Every now and then God seems to go out of his way to bring us back to this question,
because God knows how easy it is for us to fall off our game if we don’t stay focused on it.
God knows that the decision to follow Christ is not a one and done proposition.
It’s a decision that needs to be renewwed every day.
TO be sure, receiving Christ as Lord and savior is the necessary beginning to a life of faith,
But a life of faith doesn’t end there.
It’s a great first serve,
But today, and everyday, we find the ball right back in our court, and with it,
A fresh new opportunity to go out there and take another shot at following-through.

I know, the tennis metaphor isn’t the greatest, but I think you all get the point. Groan.

Speaking of fresh and new…
Let me close today by sharing a fresh new spiritual axiom with you.
That I think frames the question before us today
in a rich and meaningful way.

“Salvation is Gods’ gift to us.
What we do with it, is our gift to God.”
(Repeat)
“Salvation is Gods’ gift to us.
What we do with it, is our gift to God.”

So, if then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love,
any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy,
make my joy complete:
be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit,
but in humility regard others as better than yourselves.
Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.
Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus,
who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God
as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave,
being born in human likeness. and being found in human form,
he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death—
even death on a cross.
Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name
that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus
every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed me,
not only in my presence, but much more now in my absence,
work out your own salvation with fear and trembling;
for it is God who is at work in you,
enabling you both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
Amen.

A Passion For Forgiveness

§ September 12th, 2011 § Filed under Uncategorized § 1 Comment

Text: Matthew 18:21-35
Then Peter came and said to him,
‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive?
As many as 7 times?’
Jesus said to him, ‘Not 7 times, but, I tell you, 77 times.

‘For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared
to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.
When he began the reckoning,
one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him;
and, as he could not pay,
his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children
and all his possessions, and payment to be made.
So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying,
“Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.”
And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt.
But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow-slaves
who owed him a hundred denarii;
and seizing him by the throat, he said, “Pay what you owe.”
Then his fellow-slave fell down and pleaded with him,
“Have patience with me, and I will pay you.” But he refused;
then he went and threw him into prison until he should pay the debt.
When his fellow-slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed,
and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place.
Then his lord summoned him and said to him,
“You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
Should you not have had mercy on your fellow-slave, as I had mercy on you?”
And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he should pay his entire debt.
So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you,
if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.’

Grace and peace to you from God our Father,
Our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ,
And the Holy Spirit that shapes the hearts of God’s baptized people.

“Then his lord summoned him and said to him,
“You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
Should you not have had mercy on your fellow-slave, as I had mercy on you?”
And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he should pay his entire debt.
So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you,
if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.’

The conclusion of the parable before us today,
And the words of warning that follow it,
Completely contradict the strong message of God’s steadfast love and mercy
As it is revealed to us over and over again throughout the pages of our holy scriptures.
And today’s psalm is just one shining example.

“The Lord is merciful and gracious; slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always accuse, nor will he keep his anger for ever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as the heavens are high above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love towards those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far he removes our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion for his children,
so the Lord has compassion for those who fear him.

Our heavenly Father does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
That’s such wonderful news, let me say it again.
Our heavenly Father does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
What then, are we to say about the parable and the ominous words we have in front of us today.

How about this?
For Jesus, forgiveness isn’t just a special interest.
It’s a passion.

WE all have them.
WE all have things we feel passionately about.
WE all have concerns that are so near and dear to our heart,
that we too have a hard time not flying off the handle
when other people don’t give them the attention or effort we think they deserve.
We all have our hot buttons.
And for Jesus, one big one is an unforgiving heart.
Which is understandable, considering the enormous price he paid
in securing our forgiveness.
And yet some people won’t do it, even though it costs them relatively little by comparison.
Witness the slave, who receives a 10,000 talent reprieve from his Lord,
Which is roughly equivalent to 150,000 years wages,
but is unwilling to forgive a paltry 100 dinari debt to his fellow slave,
which is roughly equivalent to 100 days wages.
IF there is one thing that really makes Jesus human blood boil, this is it!
And I think we all know how he feels.
I think many of us can easily imagine ourselves reacting in very much the same way
If someone were to push one of our hot buttons.

OF course, we don’t want a God with hot buttons.
It’s much too scary.
WE want a God who keeps a cool head.
We want a kinder, gentler, more compassionate God
who understands and is quick to overlook our transgressions.
We want a God, who is always gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love,
like the one described in our psalm.

Actually, that’s not quite right.
We don’t just want our God to be like that.
WE need our God to be like that.
We hope and pray and cry out for a God like that.
Because, we know that if we don’t have a god like that, we don’t stand a chance.
We will all end up like the unforgiving slave in today’s parable.
And none of us wants that.

So, what we are really saying here today is,
WE want our God to have a heart.
And that’s a funny thing.
Because, that’s what our heavenly Father wants from us too.
HE wants his people to have a heart.
He wants us to have a heart, Not just for him, but for one another too.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I can hear the voice of Jesus saying,
“Tell me, what have they done?
How much do they owe you?
Is it so much, that you can’t forgive it,
Especially in light of all that the King has forgiven you?
Is the pity that God has shown you, not great enough to move you to pity?
IS everything I have suffered on your account not great enough
to move you to forgive your brother or sister from your heart?”

What we hear in our psalm today is absolutely true.
That’s the good news.
God does indeed have a heart, the kind of heart we want and need,
But so do we.
And just as we hope and pray that God employs his on our account,
God hopes and prays that we employ ours on one another’s account.
And its’ clear from our reading today, that when we don’t,
it absolutely breaks God’s heart.

I think we could all do better in this department,
And I think it would please GOD very much if we did.
I think it would please God very much if, from now on,
We would make his passion for forgiveness, our passion too.

So, lets’ do it.
Lets’ decide right here and now to make forgiving those who trespass against us
our number one spiritual priority this year.
IF we are going to choose something to rally around today,
Why not choose the grace of God;
The grace that saves us,
The grace that shapes us,
The grace that sets our God apart from all other gods,
And our faith from all other faiths.
What better gift could we give our children?
What better gift could we give each other?
What better gift could we give ourselves?
Why not let The grace that shapes us be the grace that shapes our life together
now and always. Amen.

No Fat Names

§ September 4th, 2011 § Filed under Uncategorized § No Comments

() A skit that models reconciliation and restoration.)
Greet the children.
Introduce them to the characters.
Captain Harry- A koala bear with an English accent.
Humphrey Willie Whale- A whale with a big, slow voice.

Call their attention to the size of whales and the size of the splashes they make
When they are jumping around in the water.
Has anyone ever seen a whale do tricks?
IF so, ask them to share a little about it.

As the skit opens, Humphrey Willie Whale is doing some amazing tricks
And making big splashes each time he hits the water.)

Captain Harry: Blamey! Look at the size of those waves, mate! Why, They’re huge!
Announcer: And now, Humphrey Willie Whale will super-size the splash.
Captain Harry: Super size? Blamey, Better back up, mate, or we’ll all get wet!
(But before Captain Harry can back up, Ker-splash! Humphrey Willie Whale comes down and sprays water all over Captain Harry.)
Captain Harry: Why you fat tub of lard! Look what you’ve done!
Humphrey: I’m sorry, Harry.
Captain Harry: You should be! Why, look at me! I’m soaked clear through to the skin! If you weren’t such a fat-so, this never would have happened!
Humphrey: Fat-so?
Captain Harry: That’s right! I said, “Fat-so!” You’re too fat!
Humphrey: I’m sorry I splashed you, Harry. But you don’t have to call me names.
Captain Harry: No, but you didn’t have to splash me either, now did you?
Humphrey: (In tears) But I was just doing my trick for all these nice children.
Captain Harry: Not much of a trick, if you ask me. Now, stop you’re blubbering! Get it? Blubbering? Ha, ha, ha!
Humphrey: You know, Harry, when you call me fat names, it makes me feel very sad. I mean, I know I’m big, but I can’t help it. I’m a whale. So please, Harry, don’t call me names like that.
Captain Harry: Blamey, mate, I’m sorry. I must have lost me bloomin’ mind. Too much water on the brain, if you know what I mean. I’m so sorry. I know you can’t help it. Will you forgive me, mate?
Humphrey: Okay.
Captain Harry: Here now. How’s a bout a hug?
(The two embrace for a brief moment.)
Captain Harry: There. Now, that’s’ better, isn’t it, mate?
Humphrey: It sure is.
Captain Harry: You know, Humphrey. I never knew you were so sensitive to fat names. Tell you what, the next time you splash me, I’ll think of some other names to call you.
Humphrey: Some other names?
Captain Harry: Why sure, like spaz, klutz, goofball or howsa about this one, “Flounder.”
Humphrey: Harry?
Captain Harry: Yes.
Humphrey: Sometimes, you can be a real bear to live with.
THE END

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